family ties (nooses actually)

Good Lord! What a weekend! Actually, Saturday was quite pleasant, normal... Ryan's birthday party was fun... but Sunday... egads!!!! Let this be a lesson... caller id can save you a lot of agony. But, of course, I do not heed my own advice...

Geeze... how do I write this with humor??? Here goes...My youngest sister is quite mad (as in- c r a z y). Her life has been a series of white trash dramas that Jerry Springer would find perfectly enchanting. Yesterday's played out like this... my phone rings (arg!) and my other sister is frantic. Things have reached crisis mode up in the f'ing backwoods of Utah. L'il sis and hubby are at it again. I think I'll just list some keywords and let the reader piece this B.S. together...
hedgehog
methadone
u-haul
amputation
adultry
plane ticket
young 'un
blah, blah, blah...
A situation, so bizarre it reads like VERY BAD fiction, unfolds against a tableau of Mormonism (excuse me if that is mispelled... it is not worth spell-cking... I am very open-minded re: religion, but that one is beyond the pale!), the Crestview Motel and gold mining. I need never dream of space travel, as I have experienced it already. I traveled to the planet TrailerPark yesterday. My ear is bleeding from the shit that was shoved into it. And since when am I the voice of reason!??
So, 400 wasted dollars and 6 hours of phone time later the happy couple has reconciled. Ain't love grand!?
My poor Texas sister (just trying to help the Wild One) ... my poor husband (a saint with a credit card)...my poor ear (probably pemanently damaged from the heat of my smokin' cell phone)... my poor nephew (doomed by circumstances beyond his control)...
This is really not funny...
I would so move to an island that had no phone service... seriously... I would...